Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Floor bacon is actually really good
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
