After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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