You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
NoShamevember. You game?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
