Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
