we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
