Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
