I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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