thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
