I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
and she was petting her beer can
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
