Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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