my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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