I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
