she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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