Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
