after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize