I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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