I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
