I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
