why didn't you poke me back
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
