I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
