After last night, I could never be a politician.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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