I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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