Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
