Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Randomize
