i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
