So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
two words: eviction party
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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