I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
