I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
