I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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