im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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