You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
