Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
