shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm lost and stupid without you.
My cat gives me a boner
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
