remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize