Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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