I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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