First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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