there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I came so hard my ears popped.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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