I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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