are you still at the devil's house?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
