I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Randomize
