just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
she pinky promised me she was 18
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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