Where is the hickey?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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