I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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