you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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