dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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