Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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