after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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