Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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