I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
