I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
