so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
