I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
