I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You dont lie about slip and slides
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
