I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
