another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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