i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
we're so committed to being not committed
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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