Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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