I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
