What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
