My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
