pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
