I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
