Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
3pm strippers are depressing
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
