to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
