are you still at the devil's house?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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