Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
