don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
