just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Randomize
