Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
