I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
