Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
