Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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