We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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