she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Who died my cat blue again?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
