A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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