Rock
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Fuck
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
