I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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