So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
