she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
