I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
