Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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