its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
